


why can't you see, you belong with me

by rxginamills



Category: Friends (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Engagement, F/F, F/M, Marriage Proposal, Shopping, Unrequited, Unrequited Love, also he has the fucking credit card with him thank u, au where chandler goes ring shopping with rachel instead of phoebe, i know this fic is weird just go with it, i'm still happy with this, my heart hurts for rachel, rachel x monica is my favorite friends ship, the dialogue between chandler and rachel didn't turn out the way i wanted to but that's okay, things happen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-02
Updated: 2019-12-02
Packaged: 2021-02-18 03:56:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,112
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21621424
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rxginamills/pseuds/rxginamills
Summary: Rachel helps Chandler find an engagement ring for Monica. She should’ve known it wasn’t going to end well.
Relationships: Chandler Bing & Rachel Green, Chandler Bing/Monica Geller, Monica Geller & Rachel Green, Monica Geller/Rachel Green
Comments: 3
Kudos: 40





	why can't you see, you belong with me

Rachel had no clue why she had thought that agreeing to accompany Chandler when he went ring shopping for Monica was a good idea. Perhaps at first she imagined it would give her closure. Maybe it would make her feel even a tiny bit better about the garbage fate that the universe had designed specifically for her. Rachel was flattered that Chandler wanted her help - she _was_ Monica's best friend, after all, and knew exactly what kind of ring the Geller woman would like - but looking back at her decision just made her regret it even more. 

Chandler was so excited that he was about to burst. Rachel plastered on a smile in every single jewellery store he dragged her into. It was very heartwarming to see him so ready to propose to the woman he loved but Rachel felt guilty too. She genuinely wanted happiness for the couple and Monica was glowing brighter than she had in years but somewhere in the pit of her stomach Rachel couldn't help but wish that they weren't getting married. 

It was selfish of her to want to be in Chandler's place, but she did so anyway. She had fallen in love with her best friend and it was the best but also the worst thing to ever happen to her. Monica would marry Chandler and Rachel wasn't sure if it would ever stop hurting. She dearly hoped it would because the pain of helping Chandler buy a ring was already enough. 

Finding a ring appeared to be a hard task since Chandler wanted it to be perfect. Rachel wanted the ring to be perfect too because Monica deserved the best but at that point it just felt like prolonging her pain for nothing. 

That was, until Chandler stumbled upon the fourth and final jewellery store. He instantly gravitated towards a sparkly diamond ring with sapphires on either side. Rachel felt a lump in her throat as she gazed upon the ring. That was it; the only ring for Monica. 

"It's amazing," Chandler breathed, "Hey, Rach, could you do me a favour?"

"Sure, what's up?" Rachel asked quizzically. 

"Could you hold out that ring and ask me to marry you?" 

Rachel snorted, "What?"

Chandler blushed a little, "I just wanna make sure that this is it, you know? Just - just pretend I'm Monica." 

Rachel felt a sting in her heart, "Okay. This is weird, but okay."

She glanced at the salesman to make sure that it was okay for her to touch the ring. He gave her his go-ahead, so she took the ring out of the box. She felt very heavy. The ring she was holding represented everything she could never have - everything Chandler could never know. 

"Should I kneel? To make this more authentic?" she asked Chandler while focused on the ring. 

"Oh, yeah, sure! The more realistic the better!" he grinned. Rachel laughed shakily and went down on one knee. She held the ring out for Chandler.

As she lifted her gaze from the ring to the person she was supposed to be fake-proposing to she noticed that she was no longer looking at Chandler. She was met with Monica's teary eyed face smiling down at her with her hands on her chest. Rachel lost track of time and place. She beamed at the woman of her dreams and cleared her throat. 

"Monica," she began softly, "You are undoubtedly the greatest thing that's ever happened to me. I can't even begin to put into words how happy you make me. You make me want to be the best version of myself every day. To share your light and glow is the most amazing privilege. I am so in love with you and I want to keep loving you forever. Will you marry me?" 

Rachel held her breath. Monica let out a little happy sob. Then her face began to distort as she frowned deeply. Rachel was stricken with panic. 

"Rachel?" a voice called out to her. Rachel blinked a few times. A wave of terror washed over her as she realized that she had been speaking to Chandler all along. The idea of proposing to Monica herself had almost literally blinded her to the truth. Her throat was as dry as a desert. Chandler was frowning a little. 

"You took that quite seriously, didn't you? What… what was that?" his voice quieted down in the end of the sentence. Rachel felt like she was about to burst into tears at any given moment.

"I - " she stuttered, "I don't - "

She was unable to finish a sentence. She stood up, placed the ring back on the counter and ran out of the jewellery store without looking back.

* * *

After lying on the couch of her apartment for a few days Rachel decided that she was never leaving home. She would barricade the door and stay inside and eat whatever her mind desired to drown out her sorrow. She could never face Chandler again. She wasn't even sure if he had gotten the ring after what happened at the jewellery store. It was awful and embarrassing. Rachel had gone into a different zone, a whole new world, and blatantly ignored reality. She had essentially told Chandler "Hey, by the way, I'm hopelessly and completely in love with your wife-to-be!" and left him standing there in confusion. 

There was no way she could talk to him after that. Not to Monica either. For all Rachel knew, Chandler could've told Monica everything. Rachel's best kept secret, the one she never wanted Monica to know in the fear of ruining her happiness, could've been out in the world. The thought of it was terrifying. 

Just before a messy sweatshirt-and-sweatpants-Rachel delved into her dramatic plans of leaving the country and changing her name, someone knocked on her door. Rachel lifted her head from a pillow and frowned.

 _"Rachel?"_

Her blood ran cold. It was Chandler. There was no mistaking it. He was probably at Rachel's apartment to tell her that neither he nor any of her other friends would ever speak to her again. Or maybe he had other, more sensible reasons to visit her. Rachel wasn't sure about anything at that point. She only knew that she could not open that door. She couldn't bare looking at Chandler. 

_"Rach, are you there? Open up!"_

He knocked again. Rachel stood up, half-considering opening the door after all. She had nothing to lose.

_"We haven't seen you in days and we're all really worried about you. Please talk to me."_

Rachel sighed. She walked over to the front door and opened it. Seeing Chandler made her chest hurt instantly but she pushed through it. He had come all that way to see her, after all. 

"Can I come in?" Chandler asked quietly. Rachel hesitated for a moment but then nodded soundlessly and stepped aside to let her friend inside. Chandler took a seat on the couch while Rachel remained on the other side of the room. 

"How are you doing?" Chandler asked after a short while of awkward silence. Rachel crossed her arms over her chest and said nothing.

"I understand that talking to me is probably the last thing you want to do right now, but… you know why I'm here." Chandler explained. 

"Did you get the ring?" Rachel mumbled under her breath. Chandler's face lit up a little and he pulled the ring box out the pocket of his coat. 

"Yeah." 

"Even after I made a scene?" 

"Well, I mean, you only made me more confident about it. It's the perfect ring for Monica." 

"It is." 

Rachel crossed the room and plopped down on a kitchen stool. She kept glancing between Chandler and the ring box in his hand. He shoved it back to his pocket quickly.

"Look, about what happened at the jewellery store," Chandler started, "I just want to know why you did what you did. I know what it looked like to me, but I wanted to talk to you about it. Help me understand." 

Rachel's lower lip trembled as tears threatened to pour from her eyes. She looked down for a second.

"Do you hate me?" she whimpered. 

"I could never hate you!" Chandler exclaimed incredulously.

"Really?" Rachel snapped, "Because after what happened at the store I sure hated myself a quite a lot."

They were silent. Neither Rachel nor Chandler was sure of what to say next. Rachel was crying but didn't bother to wipe her tears away. 

”Did you tell her?” she broke the silence. Chandler shook his head. Rachel let out a small, relieved breath.

”I couldn’t do that. This is clearly personal to you. Besides, I... I wasn’t sure if I knew what you meant when you did what you did.”

”Do you know now?”

”I think so.”

Chandler paused.

”Rachel, are you... are you in love with Monica?”

Rachel found herself unable to say a word; she nodded furiously instead. Chandler folded his hands in an awkward manner and looked away from her for a moment. Rachel attempted to wipe her face. 

”Listen, I am not going to start telling you how to feel,” Chandler said after a little while, ”But Monica is with me. I hope you know that.”

"I do," Rachel answered shakily, "and it sucks." 

Chandler frowned. Rachel sighed.

"Chandler… it hurts _so bad_ to see Monica with you. I wouldn't wish this pain on anyone. All I can think of when I see you together is how much I want to be in your place. I know it's terrible and selfish of me to think like that but I can't help it. I love Monica, and you do too." 

Rachel took a breath to compose herself, "And suddenly you asked me to help you find an engagement ring for her and I thought my chest would come clean apart from the pain but I agreed to come with you anyway because you are the _one thing_ , the one _person_ who makes her happier than she's ever been before and I could never take that away from her."

"Rachel…" Chandler stammered. Rachel could see that she had rendered him speechless. 

"Then you asked me to do a fake proposal and pretend that you're Monica and I completely lost it. All I could see was the future I wanted to have. I embarrassed myself and revealed my secret, the one you were never meant to know," she lamented, "And now Monica's going to marry you. You're going to propose to her and she's obviously going to say yes because she loves you above everything. She's going to be the most beautiful bride in the world, and the best wife, and the best mother, and I'm going to stand there and watch her be all of those things with _you_. It only makes it worse that you know my secret." 

Rachel stood up from the stool and went to sit next to Chandler. Their close proximity intimidated her but she tried not to let it get to her. She had never opened up about her secret before and if Chandler was going to be the last and only one to know, he had to know everything. 

"Believe me, Chandler, I want your marriage to be happy. I'm not telling you these things out of spite. You already knew _something_ so it was just better to tell you the whole story. It's my truth."

Chandler was quiet for a short moment before speaking up, "Rachel, I don't know the kind of pain you're going through and I am sorry that you have to experience it, but… thank you for being so honest with me." 

Rachel chuckled dryly, "Well, what else was there left to say? Monica deserves only the best in this world and if that's you, then… so be it." 

She left Chandler's side again, letting herself breathe in and out slowly. Chandler stood up and fiddled with his coat. 

"For what it's worth… Monica will be happy. I'm going to keep her safe."

Rachel gave him a small smile but didn't hide the sadness in her eyes. 

"You should probably go now." she whispered. Chandler nodded.

"Yeah, I think I should."

Rachel went to open the door for her friend. He stepped into the hallway and threw a last pitiful smile in her way before leaving the building. Rachel shut the door, sank back on the couch and started crying again. 

* * *

_She wears high heels_   
_I wear sneakers_   
_She's cheer captain and I'm on the bleachers_   
_Dreaming about the day when you wake up_   
_And find that what what you're looking for has been here the whole time_


End file.
